blog entry

My Best Friend

with four legs

My friend is not well. She is 14 years old and very tired. There are times when I just don't understand how she continues to hold on, but then I catch her eyes following me across a room when her legs won't allow her to trail behind me. I see her climb the stairs slowly, painfully, circling the bed of each of my children, making sure they are tucked in for the night, safe and sound. I hear the grunts as she descends those same stairs to return to my side. Her name is Digit. When she was a rollie pollie puppy, she would chew on my fingers and toes, thus earning her that very fitting moniker. Our relationship has lasted longer than any I have had, with the exception of the best friend and blood relatives. She reads my feelings better than anyone, knowing when to be playful, when to flash the fat sad puppy eyes, and when to just put her graying head on my lap and be still. I am hoping my children will learn from her. She has lived in 3 states, 6 cities, made it through 3 Olympics, more elections than she cares to remember, and my countless loser boyfriends before ending up with her permanent stallion daddy. She is indeed a trooper. There have been times, especially before I was married with children, when she was my only true companion. Cold nights were made less so by her mere presence by my side. I can say that I truly and completely love her, and I am positive that she loves me. But now she is old. Now she hurts. Her body no longer wants to accommodate her mind, which I'm sure still romps through the yard chasing cats like crazy. She has trouble standing, and even more trouble walking. She suffers from seizures and must take medication daily, which I am happy to administer in order to keep her with me. I might be selfish. No, I know full well that I am. I need this friend, this companion who loves me even when I'm feeling nasty and humbuggish. I refuse to let her go without a fight simply because I know that she would do the same for me. She has been present for so much of my life that letting her go would feel like I'm giving up a part of me, and giving up on her. I am struggling with wanting to do what is best for her, and I would love some advice from you guys....