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Charlene Ross

Special Education Instructional Assistant and aspiring writer

I'm a 40ish happily married mom living in the suburbs of Southern California and trying my hardest to have a life more fun and interesting than that sounds! After college I went to work in the music industry which sounds exciting, but actually I was an overworked, underpaid, stressed out assistant ...

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Ho-Ho-Holiday Shopping

For the first time ever I headed out for a bit of early Black Friday shopping.  I needed a new camera because like an idiot I put my camera down on a shelf in a bathroom stall (telling myself when I put it there that I should put it in my backpack, but as usual did not listen to my own good advice) at Universal Studios on Monday and of course left it there.  When I realized a short time later and went back to check I discovered that whoever picked it up decided to put it into their backpack instead of turning it in. 

(BTW where I come from, this little game of “Finders Keepers” is the same thing as stealing.  Fortunately I only had about 3 pictures on my card so I didn’t lose a lot of priceless photos.  But have a nice life with my camera and may the karmic gods bite you in the ass one day you camera-stealing-asshole.  I mean really – I would never, NEVER just take a camera that I found and keep it. How in the hell do you rationalize such a thing?  It wasn’t at a park or the middle of the street or somewhere with no place to turn it in – it was at Universal Studios – it’s not hard to find an employee to turn it in to – yes I did go from store to store around the bathroom and to security and to guest relations and filled out a claim form.  And if someone did turn it in to an employee and the employee took it then the employee is the camera-stealing-asshole and I apologize to the person who nicely turned it in trying to do the right thing.  Look, I know I was stupid and careless to leave it there, but really, whose mother teaches them that taking things that people have obviously lost is okay?  I hope Santa brings you nothing for Christmas because you got your present early and it was MY CAMERA so you are eternally on the naughty list!  Stupid jerk!) 

Whew, sorry about that, where was I?  Oh yeah, Target, 6:00AM, Black Friday.  Wholly Moly – what a zoo!  It really wasn’t hard for me to get up and go because I’m an early riser anyway.  But it truly was the last place on earth I wanted to be.  I get up early, but I don’t really get going early.  I drink my coffee in the dark and write and read skirt! and waste time surfing the net when I really should be writing, I walk my dog once it gets light.  I may get up at 5:00 AM on a daily basis, but I rarely have my contacts in or my teeth brushed before 7:00.

I got to Target at about 6:05 so I didn’t have to stand in the line that I’m sure was at the store before it opened.  The parking lot was about as full as I’d ever seen it.  The people who got there around the same time as me were walking with a definite purpose.  They were walking at a fast clip – definitely not strolling in casually.  When I got inside the store it really didn’t look that crowded.  I grabbed my cart and looked around for the electronics section.  They have recently remodeled my Target and I don’t quite know where everything is yet.  When I found it at the back of the store I could see it was mayhem.  They were selling 26” HDTVs for $299 and people were going crazy.  You could not get a cart around the aisles.  Nobody was pushing or shoving or being rude, but it was still impossible to get to where you needed to be.  I had my eye on a $150 camera on sale for $90 (which for the record I don’t really have an extra $90 just lying around waiting to be spent on something I owned just  5 days before and was perfectly happy with but was stupid enough to lose and can’t believe that people actually do this crazy-ass early shopping every year, but again, I digress…)  I practically jumped an employee opening the camera case for another customer (when he was done with her of course) and asked if he still had any cameras left – you know since the store had been open a whole 7 minutes now.  He told me they were on an end cap and pointed me in the right direction.  There were about 50 of them.  Crap!  I could have waited until 6:30 to brush my teeth and put in my contacts and come at 7:00.

Since I was there I decided to get some Christmas shopping done for the kids.  The toy department was almost as bad as the electronics department.  I found a little corner to put my cart in (hiding my camera under my coat just in case they were suddenly gone from the end cap and anyone got any ideas) and kept walking back and forth between the toy department and my cart to fill it up.  Of course they were out of what my son wanted – a remote control car with a video camera on it for spying (yeah, not really sure this toy is such a good idea) marked down to $60 from $100.  They are not giving rain checks for the 2-day-sale so I buy the rest and decide to go to another Target.  They are out of it too.  Now I’m on a mission.  It’s “Jingle All the Way” baby!  There is another Target that I saw at least 10 of these things at earlier in the week.  They cannot be that much in demand can they?  My son tried to buy one of these toys over the summer and they did not exist.  We went everywhere – Target, Toys R Us, Radio Shack, Best Buy – not one store had them or even knew what they were – and now two Targets are sold out of them.  My son really, really wants one.  And dammit I’m gonna get it no matter how many Targets I have to go to!  I find it at Target #3.  I hit my goal and it’s only 8:20 in the morning.  Maybe there is something to this crazy early shopping.

I really need to go to Trader Joe’s since we’re almost out of milk, but they don’t open until 9:00.  I decide to hit Kohl’s to check out the digital camera they have for tweens for $34.99 (Marked down from $70).  The camera looks like a cheap piece of crap, but I’m at a loss for what to buy my daughter.  My son was so easy – he only wants three things ( the 3-stop remote control video camera, the latest Nerf gun, and old Coke bottles to add to his collection) but I’m stumped with her.  She wants a cell phone, but she’s 8 so that’s not going to happen.  She wants a TV for her room.  (Again, um…NO!)  She wants an iPod (I’m afraid she’ll lose it – she gets that from me!) And she wants a digital camera.  Again, I’m afraid she’ll lose it or break it so I don’t want to get her a nice one.  Fisher Price makes digital cameras for kids that looks pretty decent in quality, but they are for ages 3 and up (because if there’s one thing a 3-year-old needs it’s a camera) and they look like it – too babyish.  Like I said, this one looks cheap, but it might have to do.  I also find an MP3 player for $34.99 (also marked down from $70) by the same manufacturer that looks like a very cheap imitation of an iPod.  I decide to buy them in case I don’t find anything better between now and Christmas.  I see some cute baby toys on sale for half price and decide to pick them up for my sister who is pregnant with twins.  Then I see the line.  I count the people in it – at best there are 23 people (there are lots of groups of 2), at worst over 40.  I go to the other line.  It’s just as bad.  I may have gone to Target at 6:00 AM to buy a camera when most likely there will be plenty of $90 cameras this holiday season (um, yeah, opened Target flyer today and there is a 10 megapixel for $88 – dammit!) but I am NOT waiting in a line like that for a questionable gift that I will most likely end up returning when I find something better and impulse-buy baby toys.  I put everything back where I found it (sorry Rhiannon – that’s my sister, not my daughter) and leave the store.

I’ve wasted exactly enough time to go to Trader Joe’s.  I put 2 gallons of milk in my cart.  I get a tiny free cup of coffee.  I look at the Christmas cookies while savoring my coffee shot with too much cream and sugar.  They have Joe Joe’s (like Oreos but better) dipped in dark chocolate and then rolled in broken candy canes.  Um…YUM!  Yeah, if you have a Trader Joe’s near you you might want to consider going there RIGHT NOW and buying some of these before they are all gone.  I hid them and plan on giving them to my husband in his stocking, but I might just keep them hidden and keep them to myself!

I’m home by 9:30.  My kids and husband are snuggled on the couch watching a movie.  I snuggle in with them.  Thanksgiving may be over, but I am so very thankful to be home.