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Liz

Liz is a freelance writer with a day job. She writes about feminism, fashion, her forties and family....

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Animal Magnetism

Liz O'Donnell

I am planning a full day of pampering at the spa. I am going to start with a fish pedicure. They are the latest rage in the beauty world. You place your feet in a small pool of water and Garra rufa fish, otherwise known as doctor fish, eat the dead skin off your feet. Because the fish don’t have teeth, they don’t chew on your healthy skin. Garra rufa have been used in spas in Japan, China and Croatia. Since nibbling fish are considered more sanitary than razors for removing calluses, they are gaining popularity in the United States.

Once my feet are beach ready, I will have a cellulite treatment. I will stand in a shark tank and the swimming carnivores will feed off the fat on my thighs. Because sharks have multiple rows of teeth and grow new teeth continuously, the treatment is guaranteed to help me shrink at least one dress size.

After my hydrotherapy, I’ll have my hair done. Too much blow drying and coloring has made my hair brittle and unmanageable. It looks and feels like straw. Luckily, my salon has recently introduced goat conditioning. They bring in Nigerian Dwarf goats and let them eat my split ends. I’m looking forward to it.

You know the old saying, “Give a man a fish; you have fed him for today.  Teach a man to fish; and you have fed him for a lifetime”? Well I prefer, “Teach a fish to eat; look good for a lifetime.” And of course I remember the words of Ralph Waldo Emerson, “Beauty without grace is the hook without the bait.”